WHAT EYE C
By ADAM WEAVER

EYE C JAKE. I SEE BRANDON.
EYE C CARDS, NEVER LANDIN'.
EYE C U. I SEE ME.
EYE C MICHAEL HANDIN'
THE MAN A KNIFE.
IS HE DED?
IS HE DED?
YES, LITTLE ONE, HE IS DEAD.
THANK YOU.

COME FOLLOW ME
By ADAM WEAVER

FOLLOW ME TO MEADOWS DREARY,
WHERE THE TIRED, WEAK AND WEARY,
CAN GET SOME SLEEP.
THE CHILDREN SCREAMING?
NO BIG DEAL.
WE'LL EAT THEM LATER AS A HAPPY MEAL.
I LIKE TO SIT ON BIKES,
WITH NO SEAT. ISN'T THAT NEAT?
THANK YOU.

THE DOGGY
By ADAM WEAVER

I WANTED A DOG.
I GOT A DOG.
HE SLURPS, SLOBBERS AND PUKES.
WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY? FEED HIM CHALKLATE?
OK! GOOD DOGGY.
I LOVE YOU. BYE BYE.
THANK YOU.

AqUI
By ADAM WEAVER

RED. STRAWBERRY BLONDE.
IT'S BLINDING ME!
ALL I SAID WAS "aqUI!"
STOP IT GUYS, IT'S REALLY NOT FUNNY.
SO WHAT IF I MADE MAD LOVE TO A BUNNY?
MY MOM ABUSES ME EVERYDAY,
SHE SAYS, "JOEL! PUT MY DOVE AWAY!"
I WANTED TO BEAT EGGS WITH IT
BUT MOMMY PUTS ME IN THE PIT.
THANK YOU.

DAT SWEET STUFF
By ADAM WEAVER

GO TO CORNERS SMITH & WESSON.
I HOPED YOUSE LEARNED A LESSON, PUNK!
COME TO MY HOOD, YESIREE. THEN TRY TO MAKE A
FOOL OUTTA ME.
YOU THINK YOUSE IT?
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS SHTUFF.
SMOKE IT UP. YEAH, THAT RIGHT, YO.
GET YOU HIGH, SOMKING DOPE.
DRINK THIS BOTTLE FULL OF PEE.
NOW COME OVER HERE AND RIDE THE PONY.
ISN'T SHE PRETTY?
THANK YOU.

MY GOOD FRIEND
By ADAM WEAVER

"JAKE. YOU THERE DUDE?"
"YEAH MAN, THAT MAGIC TOURNAMENT WAS COOL!"
THAT'S ALL HE TALKS ABOUT,
MY GOOD FRIEND JAKE. WHERE CAN YOU FIND HIM?
EATING BAKED
LASANYA.
HE LIKES IT REALLY GOOD.
WEAR THAT APRON. LIKE IT? COOL.
HE USES THE BACKROOM STOOL
TO GO POTTY.
ISN'T THAT NAUGHTY?
IN THERE FOR HOURS ON END.
TO STAY AWAY FROM THE POP BIN.
"IT STINKS DUDE."
THANK YOU.

BRANDON EATS...
By ADAM WEAVER

BRANDON EATS FLOWERS.
"TRY MY HOMEMADE CHICKEN NUGGETS, THEY'RE RAD!"
"ANYTHING HOMEMADE IS BAD."
"NOT TRUE" SAYS HE "NOT IF COOKED AT ONE FORTY THREE
CELSIUS."
THE METRIC SYSTEM SUCKS.
SCREW CANADA. KILOmeters?
ALL CANADIANS ARE DRUG DEALERS.
TRUE.
THANK YOU.

ADAM'S HOUSE O' JUGGALOES
By JAKE MACDONALD

COME TO ADAM'S HOUSE
IT'S REALLY FUN
BRING DR. PEPPER,
MIXED WITH SPICED RUM.

LOTS OF WOMEN,
LOTS OF CHICKS.
I HAVE VERY HAIRY ARMPITS.
SHANE IS FROM KOREA.

WAKE UP
By JAKE MACDONALD

BRANDON- STAY AWAKE!
IN TWO HOURS WE'RE WATCHIN' HALF BAKED.
JUST KEEP WRITING.
I KNOW YOU WILL.
ADAM, CALM DOWN DUDE.
DON'T THROW YOU'RE CARDS AT ME,
TAKE A "CHILL" PILL.
MRS. GIESTER, I HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM.

SHAVE ME
By JAKE MACDONALD

"HEY MAN, WHAT'S WRONG W/ YOU?
YOU NEED TO SHAVE.
YOU'RE STARTING TO LOOK LIKE MY UNCLE DAVE."
I SAY, "DUDE, YOU'RE UNCLE DAVE DOESN'T
HAVE FACIAL HAIR."
"OH YEAH, I FORGOT."

SMOKES
By JAKE MACDONALD

BOX OR SOFT PACK, IT'S ALL NEAT;
NOW COME OVER AND A LITTLE SWISHER SWEET.
COME BACK MAN, IT'S NOT TIME TO ROLL;
SIT BACK AND HAVE A MARLBORO.
IF NOT PLEASED, THEN TRY MENTHOL
IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, HAVE A CAMEL.
YOU WON'T GET IN TROUBLE
YOU WON'T GO TO COURT
NOT SIT BACK AND TRY A NEWPORT.
TOO EXPENSIVE, FEEL LIKE A FOOL
SHUT UP THEN AND HAVE A KOOL.
COUGHING? TAKE YOUR TIME, PACE IT.
NOW YOU CAN TRY A BASIC.
ADAM SAYS, "MAN, THIS AIN'T WHAT I NEED.
I THINK I'LL JUST STICK TO WEED."

NO TITLE
By BRANDON HUND

HEY MAN, LOOK AT ME,
I SIT IN A PUDDLE OF MY OWN PEE.
BUT THAT'S OK, IT'S NICE AND WARM.
THAT'S HOW I GOT MY OWN DORM.

I AM NUDE, SO VERY FREE
MY BUDDY WHIPPED OUT FOR ALL TO SEE
BUT THAT'S OK, I'M NATURE BOY
BEIN' NAKED IS ONLY HALF THE JOY.

IT'S BEIN' WITH MY BUDS, ER SO OT SEEMS TO ME
BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY SAY WHEN I'M SO NUDE 'N' FREE
BOY HOW I LOVE FRIENDS.
EVER WONDER!

NO TITLE
By BRANDON HUND

I'M HANGIN' WIT MY FRIENDS
SPIKE WEAVER, MAC D
DAY JUST SMOKIN' CRACK
AN' TOKIN' THAT WEED.

WE BE HANGIN' ROUND
WATCHIN' TOM GREEN
24/7
TIPPIN' JIM BEAM

JAKE IS AN ILLEAGAL...
AND A MUDWRESTLER.

That's it for the retarded poems. I told you that one by Jake, Smokes was good. And I also told you that Brandon's was retarded. Well, hopefully I'll come up with other stupid stuff and post it here. Contrary to anything those poems might say I do not smoke weed or do drugs. I don't condone it either. Just to let you know.